Potter Therapy!
by ehwwm
Summary: I'm sending the fun HP people to therapy with Dr. Bobb. There will be one on one therapy, couples therapy, death eater therapy, Voldemort therapy, and any other kind of therapy I feel like putting in there. Hopefully it will be funny. READ ON PEOPLE!


**DISCLAIMER FOR THE WHOLE FREAKIN STORY: I don't own these characters in the story (exept Dr. Bobb).**

**Now that we got that overwith, I'm sending the fun HP people to therapy with Dr. Bobb. There will be one on one therapy, couples therapy, death eater therapy, Voldemort therapy, and any other kind of therapy I feel like putting in there. It will hopefully be funny and you will laugh. There will also be sex addicts, emo people who cut themselves, imaginary cookies, and violent death eaters. If you have a problem with my HILARIOUS therapy sessions or something else...DEAL WITH IT! R&R pleeease!**

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The dark, oily haired man called Snape walked into the building. If this man did anything to him, Snape would kill him. If he said he was insane, he would kill him. If he tried to give him and brain medicine he would kill him. If he tried surgery, he would kill him. But some professors had gave him this so he would try it. In the office upstairs, a doctor was ranting to himself about his cases.

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**BobbPOV**

I threw out another copy of the Daily Prophet. I knew they were lying about the Dark Lord, the war, Harry Potter's amazingness, everything else that would attract more readers. The office got it for waiting people to read but I hated even that. I was a therapist and the paper seemed to be driving everyone else mental. I liked having patients, but it seemed to me lately that more and more people have been coming to me, tired and stressed, because of everything they say about the Dark Lord rising and attacking people. It was a lot of nonsense, and I have to help people logicaly deal with it. Hand feeding it to then would worsen their madness. I hated to tell someone they were mad and they were merely to gullible, but I was my job and I took it seriously.

I looked out the window. A man with dark, oily hair walked in. His posture was neautal, but the look in his eyes said, _What am I doing here? This is a waste of time._ The only person this could be was my first patient of the day, Severus Snape. He walked through the door of the building. I had a minute or so for him to get to my office. This wouldn't be my easiest case of the day, occording to what I had heard about the man, but I was sure I could crack him. I heard a knock, "Come in," I said as he opened and walked through the door.

"Hello, Mr. Snape. I am Dr. Bobb, your therapist," I greeted him. He shook my hand. "Alright. Sit down and we will begin. We will start with an inkblot test."

I held up an inkblot. "What does this look like to you?"

"It looks like..." he pondered, "A beautiful bird has been innocently flying in the breeze. Then there the Dark Lord has killed it wth the curse because he was trying to kill a person in an airplane. There's the Lord laughing happily because he has just killed an innocent beautiful creature."

Ok. This didn't remotely resemble the scene he depicted. I held another.

"It is... tiny baby newborn seahorses frolicing in the sunlit seawaters**. **They do not know of the scene right above them where their parents have been murdered by the Dark Lord. They frolic and frolic unknowingly until the Dark Lord comes and tortures them, ending their short baby lives with the Cruciatus Curse."

This man is insane. I could already tell. "Ok that's enough of that. Let's talk. How would you describe yourself?"

"I think I am a forgotten soul with a beautiful spirit, waiting to be awakened by sunlight and happiness," he said everything with a monitone voice. "It is very sunny out today. On days like this, I usually go stand outside and wait for the happiness to come."

"Do you feel any... happier after this?" I almost couldn't keep myself from laughing.

"No. So I go inside my house and cut myself and I feel like I'm flying. Then I heal myself of the wounds and find the strength to go on," he says. I clamped my teeth down on my tounge to keep from laughing.

It was getting pretty wierd and I had other things to do. He also wasn't helping much, because he seemed completely bored and depressed and just insane. "Well. Snape, Do you feel stressed at all?"

"Yes. Everyday of my life I go to Hogwarts, I am tortured by the presence of devious children who all would rather me be dead. I am supposedly on two sides of a brewing war and I have to pretend I like being the evil that I pretend to be. Everyone questions my loyalty and sometimes even I don't know which side or which cause to fight for. I see children, enemies, and most of all, people who I long to love tortured and killed by the Dark Lore that I am supposed to be siding with. I have been assigned by Dumbledor to kill him near the end of the year and I don't want anyone dead besides Weasley, one of the children I have the torture of teaching. It can be quite stressful every once in awhile."

Oh. He was just stressed to the point that he was going insane. "Ok then. My diagnosis is that you are suffering from extensive stress and probably exhaustion. Some of my suggestions for fixing this, which are very easy, are to give up on the war. The Dark Lord isn't here and everyone knows it. Try a part time job that doesn't require working with children. Perhaps even a career in the Ministry would do you well. Make sure you are getting eight hours or more of sleep each night. I would try to get at least nine for the next month. Mr. Snape?" I asked as he looked as though he was pondering leaving.

"I would find happiness in killing you, but I'm feeling rather relaxed from the sunshine. Some people might not want to fight, but the defenceless will be the first ones killed. As for my job, I can do it fine without your help. When the ministry is infiltrated by death eaters, I may end up imperiousing someone and kind of working there. But I have to stay at Hogwarts if the war is ever to be won. As for the sleep, you might see that as more than reasonable, as you have no reason to believe there is a better way to spend your time. I, however, have other things to do that can only be done in the dead of night. Good day doctor," he spat and apparated out.

"Well that was wierd," I mumbled to myself.

**Well, there's the first one. The next ones will hopefully be longer and more hilarious. Once again, R&R!!!!!!**


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